Do You Need to Be Fixed?

Have you ever noticed that when people begin a healing or personal-growth journey, they often start by looking for everything that is wrong with them?

The things they need to fix. The mistakes they regret. The ways they have failed. The parts of themselves they wish were different.

Many health and spiritual teachings can unintentionally reinforce this idea. We are told to control ourselves, think more positively, raise our vibration, stay grateful, be mindful, become awakened—or, sometimes, that physical health problems are totally the result of negative thoughts or emotions.

Once again, the message can become: Something is wrong with you, and it is your fault.

But what if it isn't?

Many people come to personal growth believing they need to become a better version of themselves because something about them is fundamentally broken. What if the work isn't about fixing ourselves at all?

The pressure to be healed, centered, high-vibrational, positive, grateful, mindful, or spiritually awakened can actually become another form of self-judgment. What if one of the most important parts of healing is simply learning to understand ourselves?

Understanding Instead of Judging

What if healing sometimes means learning why we developed a particular pattern, recognizing that it once served a purpose, and then deciding whether we still need it?

Our anxiety, stress, anger, exhaustion, or depressive feelings may have roots in past experiences, trauma, grief, protective behaviors, or nervous-system responses. Understanding where a response comes from doesn't mean we have to remain stuck in it.

It gives us a choice.

When we become aware of a pattern, we can begin to notice what happens without immediately condemning ourselves for it.

• You are allowed to have a bad day.

• You are allowed to be angry.

• You are allowed to be tired.

• You are allowed to not have everything figured out.

  
  

Personal growth should not become another reason to criticize yourself. Instead, perhaps we can become curious.

Are we carrying anger that seems disproportionate to what is happening today? Maybe it is time to explore where that anger began.

Are we still carrying the pain of an old unfairness? Maybe it is time to acknowledge what happened and begin making peace with the part of our past that we cannot change. It was unfair, but it has contributed to the personal strength and understanding I have today.

Do we feel as though we are always there for everyone else, but no one is ever there for us? The exhaustion is real. But instead of asking, "Why am I failing everyone?" perhaps the more helpful question is, "Why do I feel responsible for constantly sacrificing myself?"

Those are very different questions. One creates shame. The other creates understanding.

We Are a Work in Progress

I have found that self-healing is, in many ways, about accepting that we are a work in progress.

We can make peace with the past without pretending it didn't happen. We can learn from our experiences without allowing them to define our future. And we can begin making different choices without demanding that we change everything about ourselves overnight.

As we do this work, some of our old patterns gradually begin to loosen. We may discover that the very behaviors we once criticized ourselves for were, at one time, ways we learned to survive, protect ourselves, or make sense of the world.

That doesn't mean we have to keep them. It simply means we can let them go with compassion rather than shame. And perhaps that is where self-acceptance begins.

• Not with believing that we are perfect.

• Not with pretending that we don't have things to work on.

But with recognizing the unique beauty of who we are—perfectly imperfect, still growing, still learning, still becoming.

For me, healing is deeply connected to the spirit. It is a gradual process of reconnecting with our sense of self-worth, our purpose, our inner wisdom, and our compassion for ourselves and others.

Physical healing may or may not follow spiritual or emotional healing, and we should never use spirituality to blame someone for being sick. Sometimes the body needs medical care. Sometimes it needs rest. Sometimes it needs time. Sometimes there's a greater reason.

But I have also seen how much more difficult life can feel when we are disconnected from ourselves.

Healing is not about blaming ourselves for where we are. It is about discovering where we are—and then deciding where we want to go from here.

Finding Your Light Again

This is at the heart of the work I do with clients and students. Whether we are working with energy, Integrated Energy Therapy, sound, spiritual practices, or simply creating space to listen to what is happening within, my intention is never to tell someone that they are broken and need to be fixed.

My work is about helping people reconnect with themselves.

• To find a little more peace.

• To understand their patterns with compassion.

• To recognize their own value.

• To begin trusting that the past does not have to determine what comes next.

Healing isn't usually one dramatic transformation. More often, it is a series of small realizations, choices, releases, and moments of remembering who we were beneath all the things we have carried. And , beneath the fear, the grief, the anger, the exhaustion, and the self-doubt, there is still a light that has never gone out.

That is why, when someone asks me what I do, I often answer:

"I help people find their light again."

Maybe you don't need to be fixed.

Maybe you simply need the time, space, support, and compassion to remember who you are.

Let it be about finding your light again.

Lila Jean